Hey guys, I know, this blog has lacked posts for quite a while.
I just got done from suffering a long bout of multiple bipolar episodes, primarily depression- depression was super bad this time, and I even missed work and class sometimes due to it, and even had no motivation to write in my journal, let alone poetry and short stories. I will hopefully start to write and thus post more poems on here and stuff now... hopefully. =/
Hm, may as well give you something, too. Here's a couple of recent poem's I've written, if anyone still reads this. I've also wrote a short story a few weeks ago, but as I'm posting on my work computer right now, and it is saved on my home computer, I'll post it later if I remember.
Demons:
They're watching, waiting,
for me to leave here.
But I am safe here in my room,
this is my sanctuary.
Out there, though, they are waiting;
The demons of my mind.
Always hiding behind my back,
around the corners,
everywhere I would least expect.
Watching, waiting, for me to slip up,
to be distracted,
to forget them,
and that's when they'll attack.
They'll find me, chase me, catch me, hunt me.
They are not there, not real, I tell myself,
like that will even help,
as I dash in panic from the bathroom to my room.
These nonexistent shadows are going to get me one day,
if I don't somehow destroy them first.
(untitled)
I am a Tiger
(without any teeth)
A Giraffe
(who can’t reach the treetop)
A Rhinoceros
(whose horn has been broken)
An Eagle
(whose wings have been clipped).
I crash when I fly,
drown when I swim,
trip when I run,
shake when I crawl.
I am a Shark
(without any fins)
A Spider
(without any legs)
A Wolf
(whose howl has been silenced)
A Dragon
(who cannot breathe fire).
Hope y'all enjoyed them! =]
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Comments on TJ Leyden's talk on hate-speech and neo-Nazi brainwashing
Well, in the course of my business in college, the other day I attended an amazing, yet somewhat terrifying, lecture. It was called “StrHate Talk: Turning Away from Hate”, and the person speaking was TJ Leyden, a former Neo-Nazi turned anti-hate speaker.
He spoke about his life, journey through the ranks, and then his realization that this life was not a good one and he had to get out. This realization came when his 5-year-old son and he were watching a TV program, which happened to have some black people in it, and then his 3-year-old son came up to them, turned off the TV, and said “We don’t watch shows about Niggers.” At first, he was proud of his son, but then he began to think about it and realized that his son was on the path to becoming a second-generation neo-Nazi, a life that he did not want for his sons. So he got out, and then began to realize how destructive that culture he had been in was, and how outside that bubble, things were a lot different. Thus he eventually went to law enforcement to explain some of the neo-Nazi culture- being cautious, since a fair amount of neo-Nazis are police- and began to teach about the culture and how addicting it was, how bad it was, in order to educate people and show them that it is the wrong path. His story was interesting and eye-opening, yet terrifying. The way the culture blinds you to everything, and fosters so much hate, is unbelievable, as well as the fact that there are neo-Nazi factions in the military, even as lieutenants- and it is perfectly legal! As long as one isn’t doing outright criminal acts, there is nothing saying one cannot be in a hate group, which is scary, especially since the numbers of people in it are so high… A video-game was mentioned, called “Ethnic Cleansing,” that came out in the 90s. It sold over 8 million copies. Since then, many other games have been made, all become high-sellers. That in itself proves how prominent the hate culture really is, far more than I had ever realized.
Oh, and he also mentioned that Toms River, where I live, is apparently the headquarters of one of the main neo-Nazi gangs (Hammerheads, I believe they were called)? I had no clue! That would explain a lot though, since there are a lot of gang members there, and have been increasing in numbers lately. Plus my mom would tell me to avoid certain areas because there were lots of gang activity there, and now that I think of it I don’t recall a single teacher in my area who wasn’t white- the whole board of education is white, they are known for being very political and corrupt, and according to TJ, many neo-Nazis end up infiltrating the military, police force, and politics. It is very scary. NJ has over 40 hate groups, ranking in at 5th most in the country. Many of them are neo-Nazi run. How could I have been oblivious to all of this, going on right under my nose? A term that is used is “Separatist,” another name for racist, and the belief of that is that all races should be divided. Thus, there are races other than white who are neo-Nazis too- which would explain the huge groups of blacks in my high school who refused to associate anyone who wasn’t black, why specific parts of South Toms River are places whites should avoid at all cost, and why my town of Beachwood is almost entirely white. I grew up with this dynamic, which is why it felt so strange to me when I got to college, and all of a sudden races were intertwined. I suddenly hear of mixed-race couples, which would have been a rarity in my school- under threat of harassment and bullying. Why did I not notice this at all? It really is scary, how growing up with something like that can cause one to think it is normal, which is what TJ was saying- he became immersed in the culture, and before he knew it he was recruiting others, dedicated to the cause, and thinking that it was essentially the norm and that people who weren’t like them were wrong. You don’t even notice how far gone you are or how blind you are, until you’re out. My town is racist, and thus, grew up with slightly racist views, without even being aware of them. Until I got to college, and then took this class, I had not realized this at all, except for the occasional surprise where a black person would completely defy all stereotypes. Although, come to think of it, when that happened at first, I remember myself actually classifying them as being “white inside,” or something along those lines. The amounts of racist jokes in my high school were much higher than I hear now, too, as well as the amounts of hate speech. Why did I never realize this before now, is all I can think about. I am still in shock over it!
TJ told us that every time we laugh at something racist, or turn away, we are in fact telling the racist that it is okay, and that we must speak out and tell them it is wrong. Which makes sense; but I don’t think I can do this. I still laugh at racist things, despite knowing it is wrong. I still look away when someone is being bullied, out of fear of being hurt or bullied myself. I am not strong enough yet to do this. Perhaps if it is a child I can, but someone my own age? I doubt I could, sadly. This program was definitely a real-eye opener, though, and I still absolutely cannot believe how this culture could have existed right under my nose without me knowing hardly anything about it! I no longer think that racism is getting better, at all. In fact, it is more powerful than ever, and terrifying.
He spoke about his life, journey through the ranks, and then his realization that this life was not a good one and he had to get out. This realization came when his 5-year-old son and he were watching a TV program, which happened to have some black people in it, and then his 3-year-old son came up to them, turned off the TV, and said “We don’t watch shows about Niggers.” At first, he was proud of his son, but then he began to think about it and realized that his son was on the path to becoming a second-generation neo-Nazi, a life that he did not want for his sons. So he got out, and then began to realize how destructive that culture he had been in was, and how outside that bubble, things were a lot different. Thus he eventually went to law enforcement to explain some of the neo-Nazi culture- being cautious, since a fair amount of neo-Nazis are police- and began to teach about the culture and how addicting it was, how bad it was, in order to educate people and show them that it is the wrong path. His story was interesting and eye-opening, yet terrifying. The way the culture blinds you to everything, and fosters so much hate, is unbelievable, as well as the fact that there are neo-Nazi factions in the military, even as lieutenants- and it is perfectly legal! As long as one isn’t doing outright criminal acts, there is nothing saying one cannot be in a hate group, which is scary, especially since the numbers of people in it are so high… A video-game was mentioned, called “Ethnic Cleansing,” that came out in the 90s. It sold over 8 million copies. Since then, many other games have been made, all become high-sellers. That in itself proves how prominent the hate culture really is, far more than I had ever realized.
Oh, and he also mentioned that Toms River, where I live, is apparently the headquarters of one of the main neo-Nazi gangs (Hammerheads, I believe they were called)? I had no clue! That would explain a lot though, since there are a lot of gang members there, and have been increasing in numbers lately. Plus my mom would tell me to avoid certain areas because there were lots of gang activity there, and now that I think of it I don’t recall a single teacher in my area who wasn’t white- the whole board of education is white, they are known for being very political and corrupt, and according to TJ, many neo-Nazis end up infiltrating the military, police force, and politics. It is very scary. NJ has over 40 hate groups, ranking in at 5th most in the country. Many of them are neo-Nazi run. How could I have been oblivious to all of this, going on right under my nose? A term that is used is “Separatist,” another name for racist, and the belief of that is that all races should be divided. Thus, there are races other than white who are neo-Nazis too- which would explain the huge groups of blacks in my high school who refused to associate anyone who wasn’t black, why specific parts of South Toms River are places whites should avoid at all cost, and why my town of Beachwood is almost entirely white. I grew up with this dynamic, which is why it felt so strange to me when I got to college, and all of a sudden races were intertwined. I suddenly hear of mixed-race couples, which would have been a rarity in my school- under threat of harassment and bullying. Why did I not notice this at all? It really is scary, how growing up with something like that can cause one to think it is normal, which is what TJ was saying- he became immersed in the culture, and before he knew it he was recruiting others, dedicated to the cause, and thinking that it was essentially the norm and that people who weren’t like them were wrong. You don’t even notice how far gone you are or how blind you are, until you’re out. My town is racist, and thus, grew up with slightly racist views, without even being aware of them. Until I got to college, and then took this class, I had not realized this at all, except for the occasional surprise where a black person would completely defy all stereotypes. Although, come to think of it, when that happened at first, I remember myself actually classifying them as being “white inside,” or something along those lines. The amounts of racist jokes in my high school were much higher than I hear now, too, as well as the amounts of hate speech. Why did I never realize this before now, is all I can think about. I am still in shock over it!
TJ told us that every time we laugh at something racist, or turn away, we are in fact telling the racist that it is okay, and that we must speak out and tell them it is wrong. Which makes sense; but I don’t think I can do this. I still laugh at racist things, despite knowing it is wrong. I still look away when someone is being bullied, out of fear of being hurt or bullied myself. I am not strong enough yet to do this. Perhaps if it is a child I can, but someone my own age? I doubt I could, sadly. This program was definitely a real-eye opener, though, and I still absolutely cannot believe how this culture could have existed right under my nose without me knowing hardly anything about it! I no longer think that racism is getting better, at all. In fact, it is more powerful than ever, and terrifying.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Hair
Hair. Let’s talk about hair. More specifically, haircuts. There are two things I have to say about them.
First of all, I want to talk about the Black Barber Shop, as I like to call it. It was in Ewing. The best haircut I ever received was there. It was a little more expensive than the places back home, but I needed a haircut. This was back when my hair was longer. The barber shop was the only one somewhat within walking distance from TCNJ (still half an hour though). When I entered it, well, quite frankly, my heart skipped a beat- literally. Everyone in the shop was black males. There were many patrons, too, so the wait was about an hour (apparently they were a really good place, and took their time and care with their cuts). I was very disconcerted, being the only white female there. Then, I came to a realization: is this how black people feel when they end up in a room full of white people, which often happens in many schools? I was shocked. Never before had I realized how they must feel; I had simply never even thought about it. They were really nice to me, too, which would rarely ever happen in the reverse situation, with one black and the rest white, which extremely surprised me, as well. I was very pleasant, though, so that may have helped, although I was obviously a bit weirded out by the experience, so they were sympathetic, too, it seemed. The haircutter even gave me a discount! So it was a bit of a strange experience, yes, but very insightful and rewarding in retrospect.
The second hair cut experience, or rather, experiences, since it happened more than once, related to me short hair. When I first got it cut so short, the barber did not want to do it. She said my hair was too pretty to cut it that short. I insisted, however, so she did it; but still not as short as I would have liked, and left it more “feminine;” that was not what I wanted at all, being genderqueer. I wanted a boy’s haircut, and I told her this. Yet the next barber did the same thing, when I went a month later to get it cut again (short hair grows much more noticeably than longer hair). She said, “You want it wispy in back, more feminine, like a pixie cut, correct.” It was a statement, not a question. I told her, “No. Shave the back; use the razor. I want a boys cut.” She reluctantly did it, but still left it to what she considered a bit more feminine than a boy’s cut and longer on top rather than all even, as I had asked. I ended up trimming it myself later, luckily managing not to mangle it too much. I am going for a haircut again soon, too, since it once again needs trimming… I hope this time they accept my desire to have a more boyish cut.
First of all, I want to talk about the Black Barber Shop, as I like to call it. It was in Ewing. The best haircut I ever received was there. It was a little more expensive than the places back home, but I needed a haircut. This was back when my hair was longer. The barber shop was the only one somewhat within walking distance from TCNJ (still half an hour though). When I entered it, well, quite frankly, my heart skipped a beat- literally. Everyone in the shop was black males. There were many patrons, too, so the wait was about an hour (apparently they were a really good place, and took their time and care with their cuts). I was very disconcerted, being the only white female there. Then, I came to a realization: is this how black people feel when they end up in a room full of white people, which often happens in many schools? I was shocked. Never before had I realized how they must feel; I had simply never even thought about it. They were really nice to me, too, which would rarely ever happen in the reverse situation, with one black and the rest white, which extremely surprised me, as well. I was very pleasant, though, so that may have helped, although I was obviously a bit weirded out by the experience, so they were sympathetic, too, it seemed. The haircutter even gave me a discount! So it was a bit of a strange experience, yes, but very insightful and rewarding in retrospect.
The second hair cut experience, or rather, experiences, since it happened more than once, related to me short hair. When I first got it cut so short, the barber did not want to do it. She said my hair was too pretty to cut it that short. I insisted, however, so she did it; but still not as short as I would have liked, and left it more “feminine;” that was not what I wanted at all, being genderqueer. I wanted a boy’s haircut, and I told her this. Yet the next barber did the same thing, when I went a month later to get it cut again (short hair grows much more noticeably than longer hair). She said, “You want it wispy in back, more feminine, like a pixie cut, correct.” It was a statement, not a question. I told her, “No. Shave the back; use the razor. I want a boys cut.” She reluctantly did it, but still left it to what she considered a bit more feminine than a boy’s cut and longer on top rather than all even, as I had asked. I ended up trimming it myself later, luckily managing not to mangle it too much. I am going for a haircut again soon, too, since it once again needs trimming… I hope this time they accept my desire to have a more boyish cut.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Activism- simpler than it seems.
Recently I finished reading a book called “Jumpstart the World” by Catherine Ryan Hyde. It deals with some issues in the GLBT community, with a focus on the Transgender aspect.
One of the characters, Frank, said “We all [as humans] pretty much agree on certain things. Equality and stuff like that. But whenever it turns up missing, people just let it slide.” This is true for all types of discrimination, whether towards race, gender, age, sexuality, or other things. If it doesn’t apply to them, people they know, or people in the same group, many people simply ignore discrimination, or don’t even notice it in the first place.
So activism shouldn’t be about fighting those who oppose you, rather about getting the world to notice there’s a problem in the first place that needs to be addressed rather than being ignored or unseen. Even as little as wearing a shirt or a button, or putting a bumper sticker on a car, can do wonders. Many people don’t help causes they believe in because they don’t think there’s anything they can do, but that couldn’t be more wrong; every tiny little thing helps, because it gets people to notice, which is the most important thing. Once people notice, they become aware that there is a problem and then steps can be taken to change that problem.
This is also connected to the “single-story” theory (which states that discrimination arises out of only hearing one story about a group, thus making that story part of the group’s definition); simply making people aware that there are multiple stories can be a great form of activism for any group, since then people discover that there is more to a group than just the “single-story” they have heard.
Don’t let inequality slide. Show them the gritty truth of discrimination, by doing whatever you can, even if it’s just a little bit, to make people aware of the full-picture.
One of the characters, Frank, said “We all [as humans] pretty much agree on certain things. Equality and stuff like that. But whenever it turns up missing, people just let it slide.” This is true for all types of discrimination, whether towards race, gender, age, sexuality, or other things. If it doesn’t apply to them, people they know, or people in the same group, many people simply ignore discrimination, or don’t even notice it in the first place.
So activism shouldn’t be about fighting those who oppose you, rather about getting the world to notice there’s a problem in the first place that needs to be addressed rather than being ignored or unseen. Even as little as wearing a shirt or a button, or putting a bumper sticker on a car, can do wonders. Many people don’t help causes they believe in because they don’t think there’s anything they can do, but that couldn’t be more wrong; every tiny little thing helps, because it gets people to notice, which is the most important thing. Once people notice, they become aware that there is a problem and then steps can be taken to change that problem.
This is also connected to the “single-story” theory (which states that discrimination arises out of only hearing one story about a group, thus making that story part of the group’s definition); simply making people aware that there are multiple stories can be a great form of activism for any group, since then people discover that there is more to a group than just the “single-story” they have heard.
Don’t let inequality slide. Show them the gritty truth of discrimination, by doing whatever you can, even if it’s just a little bit, to make people aware of the full-picture.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
What is a Friend?
(This is a little essay about friendship I wrote for my Interpersonal Communication class. =] )
“Friend.” A word people use every day. Yet, what is a friend, truly? The dictionary.com definition is “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” Many people say they have tons of friends- 50, 100, or more. Facebook is one of the reasons of this, yet in reality, most of these people are only really acquaintances. Me, well, I only have a handful of what I call friends- approximately 13 at last count. Is my definition that different from society’s? Well, let me explain what I believe to be the term “friend” is.
First of all, a friend is someone you can trust with your thoughts, opinions, and you’re your true self. Someone who will listen to what you say and accept it, without judging. That is important- if someone judges you for who you are, then they are not a true friend. I only came to this realization fairly recently. I am genderqueer- that is, feel that I am a blur between male and female- and my friend Jordan is female to male transgender. We are both, however, wary of sharing this with many people. Jordan in particular has lost a lot of his “friends” because he is transgender- they didn’t accept him for who he is. They were not true friends.
A friend is someone who sticks by you, in thick or thin. They will not abandon you when you are full of tears, and will sit calmly and listen to you rant. Of course, they can’t be expected to drop everything at a dime’s notice to do this, but they find at least some time to comfort you, and definitely don’t avoid you completely when you’re feeling bad. A friend is someone you can be with in whatever mood you are in, happy or sad. You don’t have to hide your feelings from them, since you can trust them to be understanding. A friend cares about you, and thus will try to help you when you’re down.
A friend may not always agree with you, but they will not press this and certainly won’t argue with you extensively about whichever subject you don’t agree on. Well, at least not with anger or upset- some friends do argue jokingly or casually, after all; yet in this case, a friend also knows when to stop arguing if you start to feel upset.
A friend is also someone who is honest with you. True, some friends will lie, to protect you- this is merely a kindness though, and means they care about you enough to worry about your feelings. However, they will not lie to you in order to save their own butt. If they do something wrong, they will be open with you about it, and apologize for their actions. Why? Because they trust you to understand, as a true friend should. Alternatively, a friend also understands when you do something wrong, as well. People do make mistakes, after all, so a friend will not hold those mistakes against you. They do not take advantage of this, though, either- they will of course try to avoid making those mistakes which upset you.
I suppose that the bottom line here is that a friend, essentially, is someone you can trust with your soul. Someone you are not afraid to share yourself with, your entire self, and who will do the same for you. Friendship is a mutual thing, of course. A friend is someone who cares about and trusts you, and who you care about and trust as well.
“Friend.” A word people use every day. Yet, what is a friend, truly? The dictionary.com definition is “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” Many people say they have tons of friends- 50, 100, or more. Facebook is one of the reasons of this, yet in reality, most of these people are only really acquaintances. Me, well, I only have a handful of what I call friends- approximately 13 at last count. Is my definition that different from society’s? Well, let me explain what I believe to be the term “friend” is.
First of all, a friend is someone you can trust with your thoughts, opinions, and you’re your true self. Someone who will listen to what you say and accept it, without judging. That is important- if someone judges you for who you are, then they are not a true friend. I only came to this realization fairly recently. I am genderqueer- that is, feel that I am a blur between male and female- and my friend Jordan is female to male transgender. We are both, however, wary of sharing this with many people. Jordan in particular has lost a lot of his “friends” because he is transgender- they didn’t accept him for who he is. They were not true friends.
A friend is someone who sticks by you, in thick or thin. They will not abandon you when you are full of tears, and will sit calmly and listen to you rant. Of course, they can’t be expected to drop everything at a dime’s notice to do this, but they find at least some time to comfort you, and definitely don’t avoid you completely when you’re feeling bad. A friend is someone you can be with in whatever mood you are in, happy or sad. You don’t have to hide your feelings from them, since you can trust them to be understanding. A friend cares about you, and thus will try to help you when you’re down.
A friend may not always agree with you, but they will not press this and certainly won’t argue with you extensively about whichever subject you don’t agree on. Well, at least not with anger or upset- some friends do argue jokingly or casually, after all; yet in this case, a friend also knows when to stop arguing if you start to feel upset.
A friend is also someone who is honest with you. True, some friends will lie, to protect you- this is merely a kindness though, and means they care about you enough to worry about your feelings. However, they will not lie to you in order to save their own butt. If they do something wrong, they will be open with you about it, and apologize for their actions. Why? Because they trust you to understand, as a true friend should. Alternatively, a friend also understands when you do something wrong, as well. People do make mistakes, after all, so a friend will not hold those mistakes against you. They do not take advantage of this, though, either- they will of course try to avoid making those mistakes which upset you.
I suppose that the bottom line here is that a friend, essentially, is someone you can trust with your soul. Someone you are not afraid to share yourself with, your entire self, and who will do the same for you. Friendship is a mutual thing, of course. A friend is someone who cares about and trusts you, and who you care about and trust as well.
Monday, January 23, 2012
petty people (rant)
I am so fed up with the pettiness of people!
We're college students, dammit, show some dignity!
You're supposed to know how to respect people.
Seriously, what harm has my little door sign done to you?
Nothing, it's just sat there, happily reminding people that it's a safe zone.
It's because of people like you that everywhere's not safe, after all-
you can just give us one little place, our own rooms, to feel safe, can't you?
It's petty, what you're doing
What do you get out of ripping down anything with even a hint of the queer community?
Learn to accept people- it's what college is for,
expanding your mind and giving yourselves a broader view of the world.
Not for hating people and putting them down.
And what's more is that my nice little, harmless sign is now MIA.
And no, it hasn't fallen off- someone actually had the gall to steal it.
I know, because I attached it very strongly the first time it 'fell' down,
and even more securely the next ten times.
I'm trying to advocate love and acceptance here-
Why do hateful people have to be around,
and make that so much more impossible?
I advocate against hate, but those people,
whoever they are, are making me a hypocrite:
I genuinely HATE them!!
We're college students, dammit, show some dignity!
You're supposed to know how to respect people.
Seriously, what harm has my little door sign done to you?
Nothing, it's just sat there, happily reminding people that it's a safe zone.
It's because of people like you that everywhere's not safe, after all-
you can just give us one little place, our own rooms, to feel safe, can't you?
It's petty, what you're doing
What do you get out of ripping down anything with even a hint of the queer community?
Learn to accept people- it's what college is for,
expanding your mind and giving yourselves a broader view of the world.
Not for hating people and putting them down.
And what's more is that my nice little, harmless sign is now MIA.
And no, it hasn't fallen off- someone actually had the gall to steal it.
I know, because I attached it very strongly the first time it 'fell' down,
and even more securely the next ten times.
I'm trying to advocate love and acceptance here-
Why do hateful people have to be around,
and make that so much more impossible?
I advocate against hate, but those people,
whoever they are, are making me a hypocrite:
I genuinely HATE them!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Things college has taught me
College is more than simply learning academic stuff and getting a degree. It changes a person, a lot. Many life lessons are learned there, opening your mind to a much larger view of the world. Here are some things that college has taught me.
Well, first of all, it's taught me a lot about diet. Freshman year I gained a tremendous amount of weight, caused by both a medication side effect and, primarily, eating all the wrong things. Contrary to popular belief, a diet of pasta, chips, cookies, pizza, chinese food, and lots of cheesy things is not good for you. so over the summer and the fall semester of this year, I researched a whole lot about healthy diets, saw a dietitian, talked to my aunt who is a nutritionist, and followed through with all that advice. And lost, so far, over 30 pounds, and many inches off my waist, also due to exercising more- but not that much more at all, just the gym a few times a week, for half an hour, or going to the aikido (japanese martial arts) club, or playing manhunt and capture the flag with my friends. I went from between a sizes 14 and 16 to a size 8- even smaller than before college, where I was between a 10 and 12! And all it took was, essentially, cutting out soda, fried and greasy fast-food stuff, and limiting the cookies, chips, pizza, etc. Moderation, people, that's all it takes.
But the weight loss also opened my eyes up to something else: friends judge you and get worried when you lose such a large amount. They decided I must have an eating disorder. True, there was some ground in that assumption, since I had problems with that in high school, but this time I legitimately lost weight healthily. But they didn't believe me at all. It is true that an eating disorder never truly goes away- I still think about the calories in everything and worry when I consume too much, but overall I've been working very hard to be healthy and not slip in to a disorder again. But this did teach me that people never truly forget things, and messing up once makes people more wary of you possibly messing up again.
College has also taught me a whole lot about working and budgeting. in high school, I had some small part time jobs, but all that money essentially went towards fun. In college, though, I have a job at the library, making much more than in high school, but I have to save it- and spend it on more than just fun. I have to buy food, shampoo, food for my pets, etc. So I have to budget, and create limits to what I can get with my extra money. And, oh yeah, save some of it to pay to the college for tuition- that's a biggie. I had to restrain myself from buying that cute little earring set, or that cool action figure, so I would have money for toothpaste and tissues.
Also, it taught me about the importance of work ethic. I have always been a hard worker, doing what was assigned right away and doing the best I could to tidy up and make things nice. Some of my coworkers, however, were not like this at all. They would put off tasks until after they checked facebook, or leave trash in the cubby hole next to the desk- when there was a garbage a few paces away. So, I got promoted and they didn't, simple as that. Made some of them pretty angry. I now make two dollars more than I did when I started, and they make the same as they did, no raises or promotions at all. Hopefully, they learned something from that- so far, though, looks like they didn't.
Oh, and time management was a biggie, too. I had to learn when to say no to friends in order to study or do homework. Study! I had hardly ever studied in high school, but I found myself needing to for some college subjects. Which I didn't realize until it was too late. First semester freshman year, I had a very difficult chemistry class. I barely passed it. I had been used to getting all A's, with an occasional B, in high school- but I found that I was failing a class for the first time. I had been slacking, electing to go out with friends when I really needed to read the chapter or look over my notes for the test the next day. Finally, I realized that I had to say no sometimes. I had to forgo an evening with friends to study for a test. I managed to pass the class, but just barely- so next semester I made sure to read the books and study, and managed all A's and B's. But that was a real eye-opening for me!
And another thing about time management- I learned that sometimes, it might be necessary to choose between doing a lot of things, and doing well at a few things. I tried to join a whole lot of clubs, and found myself overwhelmed. Eventually, I had to pick just a few, and when I put the time into these few rather than spreading myself thin over a bunch of clubs, I felt a lot happier, and even scored some executive board positions- which i am able to effectively do because I set aside the time for them by only being in a few clubs.
The same thing applied to classes, too- This last semester, I found myself in a very difficult class, that was costing me tons of time to do all the work for- and even then I wasn't able to do the work very well. There wasn't enough time to do all that work and my other work, meaning at least one class was going to suffer. I realized that the best thing to do, then, was to drop the class. It would have made my grade suffer way to much, possibly bringing my GPA down low enough to lose my scholarship, since it was already on the brink from that chemistry class. It wasn't even that necessary of a class- a liberal learning requirement, not part of my major. I could simply take a different class in place, or take it at community college over the summer. The lesson I learned? It is okay to give up sometimes. I had never been a person to do that, but I suddenly found myself dropping a class!
Also, sometimes there were things I couldn't do well, in clubs or groups, but others could. I learned to, instead of trying to do it myself, but to ask for help- or even give it up to the other person. Humility, I suppose it is called. I learned that being headstrong was not the best thing to always be. A huge lesson for me, since I had been used to being able to do everything by myself, at least mediocrally. But I learned that rather than me doing something mediocrally alone, sometimes if you ask for help, the thing can instead be done amazingly. In one of my classes, this happened- I was trying to do a project alone, but couldn't do it well, so I opted to have a partner, and we were able to work out a solution to the project that made it simply amazing- much more amazing than if we had done it alone!
Well, that's all I can think of that I learned at the moment- but I can assure you, there probably are many more things I learned, and will learn by the time college is over.
'Til next time!
~Larissa~
Well, first of all, it's taught me a lot about diet. Freshman year I gained a tremendous amount of weight, caused by both a medication side effect and, primarily, eating all the wrong things. Contrary to popular belief, a diet of pasta, chips, cookies, pizza, chinese food, and lots of cheesy things is not good for you. so over the summer and the fall semester of this year, I researched a whole lot about healthy diets, saw a dietitian, talked to my aunt who is a nutritionist, and followed through with all that advice. And lost, so far, over 30 pounds, and many inches off my waist, also due to exercising more- but not that much more at all, just the gym a few times a week, for half an hour, or going to the aikido (japanese martial arts) club, or playing manhunt and capture the flag with my friends. I went from between a sizes 14 and 16 to a size 8- even smaller than before college, where I was between a 10 and 12! And all it took was, essentially, cutting out soda, fried and greasy fast-food stuff, and limiting the cookies, chips, pizza, etc. Moderation, people, that's all it takes.
But the weight loss also opened my eyes up to something else: friends judge you and get worried when you lose such a large amount. They decided I must have an eating disorder. True, there was some ground in that assumption, since I had problems with that in high school, but this time I legitimately lost weight healthily. But they didn't believe me at all. It is true that an eating disorder never truly goes away- I still think about the calories in everything and worry when I consume too much, but overall I've been working very hard to be healthy and not slip in to a disorder again. But this did teach me that people never truly forget things, and messing up once makes people more wary of you possibly messing up again.
College has also taught me a whole lot about working and budgeting. in high school, I had some small part time jobs, but all that money essentially went towards fun. In college, though, I have a job at the library, making much more than in high school, but I have to save it- and spend it on more than just fun. I have to buy food, shampoo, food for my pets, etc. So I have to budget, and create limits to what I can get with my extra money. And, oh yeah, save some of it to pay to the college for tuition- that's a biggie. I had to restrain myself from buying that cute little earring set, or that cool action figure, so I would have money for toothpaste and tissues.
Also, it taught me about the importance of work ethic. I have always been a hard worker, doing what was assigned right away and doing the best I could to tidy up and make things nice. Some of my coworkers, however, were not like this at all. They would put off tasks until after they checked facebook, or leave trash in the cubby hole next to the desk- when there was a garbage a few paces away. So, I got promoted and they didn't, simple as that. Made some of them pretty angry. I now make two dollars more than I did when I started, and they make the same as they did, no raises or promotions at all. Hopefully, they learned something from that- so far, though, looks like they didn't.
Oh, and time management was a biggie, too. I had to learn when to say no to friends in order to study or do homework. Study! I had hardly ever studied in high school, but I found myself needing to for some college subjects. Which I didn't realize until it was too late. First semester freshman year, I had a very difficult chemistry class. I barely passed it. I had been used to getting all A's, with an occasional B, in high school- but I found that I was failing a class for the first time. I had been slacking, electing to go out with friends when I really needed to read the chapter or look over my notes for the test the next day. Finally, I realized that I had to say no sometimes. I had to forgo an evening with friends to study for a test. I managed to pass the class, but just barely- so next semester I made sure to read the books and study, and managed all A's and B's. But that was a real eye-opening for me!
And another thing about time management- I learned that sometimes, it might be necessary to choose between doing a lot of things, and doing well at a few things. I tried to join a whole lot of clubs, and found myself overwhelmed. Eventually, I had to pick just a few, and when I put the time into these few rather than spreading myself thin over a bunch of clubs, I felt a lot happier, and even scored some executive board positions- which i am able to effectively do because I set aside the time for them by only being in a few clubs.
The same thing applied to classes, too- This last semester, I found myself in a very difficult class, that was costing me tons of time to do all the work for- and even then I wasn't able to do the work very well. There wasn't enough time to do all that work and my other work, meaning at least one class was going to suffer. I realized that the best thing to do, then, was to drop the class. It would have made my grade suffer way to much, possibly bringing my GPA down low enough to lose my scholarship, since it was already on the brink from that chemistry class. It wasn't even that necessary of a class- a liberal learning requirement, not part of my major. I could simply take a different class in place, or take it at community college over the summer. The lesson I learned? It is okay to give up sometimes. I had never been a person to do that, but I suddenly found myself dropping a class!
Also, sometimes there were things I couldn't do well, in clubs or groups, but others could. I learned to, instead of trying to do it myself, but to ask for help- or even give it up to the other person. Humility, I suppose it is called. I learned that being headstrong was not the best thing to always be. A huge lesson for me, since I had been used to being able to do everything by myself, at least mediocrally. But I learned that rather than me doing something mediocrally alone, sometimes if you ask for help, the thing can instead be done amazingly. In one of my classes, this happened- I was trying to do a project alone, but couldn't do it well, so I opted to have a partner, and we were able to work out a solution to the project that made it simply amazing- much more amazing than if we had done it alone!
Well, that's all I can think of that I learned at the moment- but I can assure you, there probably are many more things I learned, and will learn by the time college is over.
'Til next time!
~Larissa~
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